When Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world," he did not mean to be the model citizen. What he meant was that when there is war outside of us, for instance, we need to look for the war inside of us, and correct that. Like most people, I keep forgetting this.
I've got a little war going on, and it's the strangest one that I ever could have imagined--over the Tarot cards. At first I thought it was a joke. I thought it was initiated by someone I'd had a falling-out with as a kind of a sick joke, but I did my homework and this is for real.
There is this group of people--amazingly, more than one--who stalk me and other Tarot readers with any kind of success. They try and sabotage my reputation through videos, through blog comments, etc. They believe it is their job in this life to make Tarot a game. Tarot began as a game, sure, but they are hell-bent on bringing Tarot readers down who use Tarot for divination purposes. Astronomy began, really, as astrology--closer to a religion. Does this mean the stars should only be used for zodiac purposes? That penicillin, derived accidentally when one was looking for a cure for food poisoning, should only be used for what it was intended? It is all so silly.
It's quite perplexing. I mean, there are people dying of hunger, AIDS... surely there are more worthy causes to put one's energy into than fighting a one-sided war that perhaps maybe only about ten people in the entire world care about anyway. Fighting a cause where no one is hurt and some are maybe even helped?
So, I have to turn back to Gandhi, and to myself, and say, "Just what the heck is going on here?" If everything is a mirror, as the Qabalah, from which the Tarot is intentionally or unintentionally (and therefore, miraculously) structured (see two blogs ago for more on that), then I need to look at my feelings for these people. The first is a feeling of attack, which I understand from my spiritual work as coming from a place of feeling utterly powerless and needing to matter, in any way that can be recognized. So I know that, even with my successes of out of the country symposiums and conferences, of publications and media appearances, there is a part of me that still feels this sadness too.
The second thing that I feel is simply overwhelmed by the incredible waste of time! I know that I have a judgment on these people and any meaningful purpose they have in this world. Have these people NOTHING better to do than to harass a person unknown to them? And so, I must turn to myself again: Where am I wasting time? Am I running so fast and hard toward purpose that I forget I already have it (and so do they), just by being a child of God? That is something to look at. While I consider myself to be a fairly efficient worker and high producer between my writing, scholarship, teaching and Tarot, there can always be some pockets of my schedule better-spent. I will work on that.
I thought this might be a carryover from negative feelings left from that person I'd had the falling out with, whom I mentioned earlier. I searched my soul, and even did some detective work on the Internet because I'd had some uneasy vibes and dream communications from him. I consciously banished all bad feelings. After all, if I had kept this person in my life, none of my successes or happinesses would have ever happened. Knowing him was a spiritual and creative blessing to me, and his leaving was a greater one still. And should he search his heart, he knows the same is true for him.
The people that I have not-so-affectionately coined "The Tarot Crazies" will probably continue their crusade. I will battle them, I suppose, by working to correct the places within me that still struggle with peace, with wanting to waste time, and with not believing I'm enough. Maybe if the rest of us are the change we want to see in the world, games will not become wars and Tarot will be viewed with an open mind, for any purpose one wants for it. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be glad these people once wandered through my life, too.
© Julia Gordon-Bramer 2012
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