As some of you know, even while I have been reading tarot cards for over thirty-three years, I have not been a professional tarot reader in all that time. I started professionally while I was in graduate school, initially at the urging of a professor who had witnessed my readings in class and at parties, and had brought me in as a guest to some of his classes. The career blossomed from there. I had never set out to be a professional tarot card reader; the universe created the job for me, and it has been a blessing while I pursue my first love of writing.
Being a professional has all sorts of weird baggage attached to it. While there are guides and associations and what-have-you for jobs in medicine, law, sales, management, etc., there is no rule book for the psychic realm. With each new client I get, I get my own lessons, and I realize that I am growing along with my clients. Sometimes, like anyone, I'm resistant and I just wish that I could keep things status quo. Sometimes growth hurts.
Some big lessons I am learning lately are in responsibility, boundaries, and attachment to how things are supposed to look.
The tarot is a tool for self-discovery, revelation, and understanding what you already know on a higher level; I am bringing your truth to your consciousness. The thing about the tarot is that it reflects your energy of who you are today. Because I do not believe in a fate written in stone, and because I believe that we have power and choice in our lives, the direction of your energy can change from day to day or even minute to minute. What does this mean for my clients? It means that this is about the inner journey, not the outer one. It means that tarot is not a thing to use to set schedules, to sign documents, to seal down the things of the world. Rather, it can show you if you're in a good place to do those things (or not), and why or why not.
It gets tricky. If you ask me during a tarot reading, say, how a court case will go, I will tell you what I see. But that is based upon who you are, what the current circumstances are, and how you're behaving. Don't ask, "How will my court case go?" but rather, "What can I do to be most effective in my court case?" Remember that it is about personal power and choice. That is all we've got in this life.
I have had many, many clients say that things have happened exactly as I said they would. Occasionally, though, something goes awry. No reader is perfect. Some clients seem to attract more positive results and some attract more negative. What is this about?
It can be very hard for me not to take on the responsibility for someone's life, because I tend to care very much about my clients, especially my regular ones. Yet, I know that when I become too much of a counselor or a life-coach, firstly, that's not my training, and second, it is not honoring myself and what I need to be doing. The trick is that when I spend a certain amount of time with a person, I become vested. I want to see success for that person, maybe also (if I want to get really honest) in part for my own ego as I want to be known as effective. It can be hard to have to draw the boundaries, to have respect for myself and my own time. When that desperate, sad call comes at almost midnight, it is sometimes hard to let the phone ring because the time is not appropriate for business. Sometimes I have to say, "I am sorry things are not working out for you, but I'll have to talk to you tomorrow." I have to remember that I am not a psychologist, an AA sponsor, or even a best friend. A tarot card reader can't take all that on, and then multiply it across all clients, and still have a personal life of one's own.
The other big lesson I have learned over these years is that I cannot make anyone take my advice, and I cannot control the outcome. I can only tell what I feel, and what I see in the cards. I can only offer guidance. Sometimes a person is full of anger, or addiction, or hopelessness, or self-sabotage, and maybe he or she just needs to be in that place and suffer through it for awhile, to learn the things that must be learned. There is nothing I can do to wake him up out of it until he finally can't take it anymore and takes the steering wheel on his own life. Lord knows that I have tried to steer other's lives before, and it ends up just making everyone feel worthless and ineffective.
It is not empowering to tell someone, "Here is what you have to do to get your life together," or even, "Here, let me help you." The message behind those words is, "I know you can't manage your own life, so here, let me do it for you." Ridiculous. We can all manage. We either take control of our lives, or we don't. As Yoda famously said, "Do or not do. There is no try." Sometimes people think they want to get their acts together, but they are not consistent in this feeling. Sometimes people want to give up, because that feeling of hopelessness and confusion is a place they can hide and not take responsibility for their actions. It is a place where they can cry in self-defeat, saying, "I don't know!" instead of just buckling down and making a decision, right or wrong, and just getting on with life. Through the cards, I can look at why that is, but I can't make them change. I am not living the life of my client, and I have to always remember this.
Buddha teaches us that we get attached to how we think things are supposed to go. That can be very limiting. We think success must look one way, and it can surprise us and look like something so much better. Sometimes things look like disaster: failed marriages, bankruptcy, whatever... and it can turn into the best thing that ever happened to us. I had become attached to a career plan of getting my MFA, and then making my living as a teacher while I wrote. Life designed it differently, and while I teach occasionally now, the tarot supports me better, financially, in time spent, and in promoting my scholarly work and books. I could never have imagined it as well as it has turned out. Dreams can be very restrictive, and they change as you will change; don't hold yourself fast to them.
If you come to me as a client, I can promise you that I will tell you what I see with full honesty and an open heart. I will listen, and hear you, and respond. I will do my best to give you the tools you need to make your dreams, or what you think are your dreams, come true. But I will also set the rules down that it is not my job to "fix" you. You are whole and complete already, even if you don't always feel it. Even if you haven't owned that yet. Perhaps it will be your job to remind me of this, and together we will make the world a better place, owning our own lives and what we do with them.
