Gifts and Timing

I wanted to have something worthy to say for my New Year's post, which is why I am writing it five days into the New Year. There was too much commotion in finishing up holiday events to write sooner.

2014 has been both a very hard year, and a very wonderful year. On the hard side, I watched three friends lose their sons, all three young men in the 24-25 year range, all due to different causes. To add to this pain, my younger son lost a peer his age in 2014, a friend of one of the aforementioned friends. The grief has been huge. As I have two boys of my own around this age, it shook me to the core. We want to believe that this could never really happen. We realize that a parent never raises a child to "safety." That there is no safety, ever, and that every day of life and time spent with our loved ones is precious. It really makes me clear on what is truly important. It was a most painful gift to learn.

One can't deny, especially in St. Louis, that 2014's political climate has been the test of all tests. I have written here before that I am not an astrologer. That said, that whole End-of-Age 2012 Apocalypse business is actually only supposed to begin then, and I have heard astrologers say it lasts for a number of years. To look at all the wars, the recession, the uprisings and inner and outer revolutions, I'd say that I am becoming a believer.

Those of you close to me, and regular readers, know that my book, Fixed Stars Govern a Life: Decoding Sylvia Plath had its release held up not once, but twice. It has been entirely stressful and you can read the details in earlier blog entries here. This has been a huge spiritual lesson for me regarding attachment, and being too attached to how I think something should go. In the end, everything truly does seem to happen for a reason. I can look back on these 51 years of life (Gasp! Am I really that old? I can't believe it) and truly see that this "everything happens for a reason" cliche is true in every aspect of my life--the blessings and tragedies have all been essential in forming me to this person today. My little sister pointed out to me that there is just no way anything wrong is happening. I am in my eighth year of the Plath work and miracles continue to happen; new information rises from the most unlikely places supporting my earlier findings; and new people enter my life lending their love and support.

This leads me to the blessings of 2014: How could Sylvia have not been pulling the strings to essentially deliver a friend of hers and Ted Hughes' to me, to give me this treasure who has been in my everyday life since June, Zulfikar Ghose? Far beyond the Plath-Hughes connection, he has become the dearest of friends and such an important person in my creative life. He is a brilliant poet and prose writer, a man who refuses to pander to the trends, a true magician-visionary and great teacher. If only every serious writer could one day find a Zulfi of their own. As for now, he is mine and I refuse to share. ;-) I am trying to read all 25 of his books and review them on Amazon.com and elsewhere, as I get the chance. I encourage you to find his books, read them, and do the same. You will not be disappointed. You can find my reviews searching his name on Amazon.

Other blessings: As I write this, our feral cat, Hermann is asleep on the mat, INSIDE of our house on this bitterly cold January day. Our three years of work taming him is paying off. My husband Tom and I had the most magical two-weeks in the Hawaiian Islands, and I cannot say enough about the magic of the Big Island, especially. Kilauea calls me back (how lucky to see it during its eruption time!), and I'll be glad to get some more Kona coffee. Oh sure, the beaches of Oahu are lovely, and Kauai is a gorgeous rainforest, but the Big Island is truly mystical. There is honestly nothing like it. I need to finish posting my photographs on Facebook. I also count among my blessings meeting and working with the gang at Circus Kaput; finding the best hair stylist in the world, Rosemarie Palazzolo (Drury Salon, Chesterfield), making some great new friends, reconnecting with old friends dear to me, and most especially to getting to know my son Ross' lovely girlfriend, whom we plan to keep forever.

Out in the world, I think our local Prince Ea is a huge gift. I feel so fortunate to be so popular on Academia.edu. I had the time of my life at the 2014 Colgate Writer's Conference and joint Association for Studies in Esotericism Conference, where I presented on Plath. I loved also presenting for Case-Western University and the University of Milwaukee-Wisconsin. I have felt so incredibly welcomed. It's been delightful to have my moments on television and radio, and to see my tarot business grow the way it has. I truly do feel on-path.

I decided not to make any formal New Year's Resolutions. I have resolutions every day, and I get the majority of them done. I resolve to keep going toward my dreams, always, and to give everything I do my best effort. Every day, I resolve to try and be my best, whatever that is and however I might occasionally stumble, and to try to live from a place of peace and love.

The next couple months of 2015 are already filling up, and I will soon have some separate posts with all the details. Ahead, I'll be doing some tarot fundraisers for cats and dogs; I'll be a featured guest reading poetry with Chance Operations, and doing another reading in April with Lindenwood U; I'm holding two seminars at the Working Women's Survival Show in February; planning more radio and TV appearances; and, fingers crossed, releasing Fixed Stars Govern a Life.  That is, if the time is right.